Potty Training

We are so not done with potty training yet.

I'm still trying to find ways how to make Eli, potty in the toilet. it's really hard because I have asked help and tips from people but none of them seems to work. Including making Eli sit on the toilet for around 15-20 minutes with him crying and screaming there, it hurts my ears.

I also asked help from his dad, I thought it would be helpful since both of them are boys and it would be much easier if Eli will be able to see how he does pee-pee and poo-poo with his dad helping him the way boys do it. My husband told me though that he can't be consistent enough to help with Eli's potty training because of his erratic work schedule.

Tomorrow I'm going to try again, and will be starting from the beginning.

This is the Plan:

Target: 1-3 day

1. Give Eli directions how to do potty time using the book.
2. Let Eli go without diapers nor underpants around the house.
3. Place the potty trainer in the living room or his bedroom, so it will be easier to find and scoop poops or wees on the floor anywhere around the house.

Day 4-5-6

1. Give Eli directions how to do potty time using the book.
2. Let hit wear pants, and demonstrate potty training in the toilet.
3. Eli go without diapers nor underpants around the house ot he could if he wants to
3. Place the potty trainer in the living room or his bedroom, so it will be easier to find and scoop poops or wees on the floor anywhere around the house.

Let's see if this will work. Goodluck to us!

I'm Special

This free verse poem written in 1968 is dedicated to my birthday boy!








I'm special.

In all the world there's nobody like me.

Since the beginning of time, there has never been another person like me.

Nobody has my smile. Nobody has my eyes, my nose, my hair, my hands, my voice.




I'm special.

No one can be found who has my handwriting.

Nobody anywhere has my tastes for food or music or art. No one else sees things just as I do.

In all of time there's been no one who laughs like me, no one who cries like me, and what makes me laugh and cry will never provoke identical laughter and tears from anybody else, ever.

No one reacts to any situation just as I would react.




I'm special.

I'm the only one in all of creation who has my set of abilities. Oh, there will always be somebody who is better at one of the things I'm good at, but no one in the universe can reach the quality of my combinations of talents, ideas, abilities and feelings. Like a room full of musical instruments, some may excel alone, but none can match the symphony sound when all are played together. I'm a symphony. Through all of eternity no one will ever look, talk, walk, think, or do like me.


I'm special. I'm rare.

And, in all rarity there is great value. Because of my great value, I need not attempt to imitate others. I will accept -- yes, celebrate -- my differences.


I'm special.

And I'm beginning to realize it's no accident that I'm special.

I'm beginning to see that my Higher Power made me special for a very special purpose. He must have a job for me that no one else can do as well as I. Out of all the billions of applicants, only one is qualified, only one has the right combination of what it takes.


That one is me.

Because ... I'm special!




— Elizabeth Anne Richards Schurg

Advocacy

* This post is edited because I misheard my mom-in law, so I am going to correct it now. 

I apologize for hearing incorrectly

Earlier today my husband was talking to his parents over skype. While enjoying face time with their grand kids and conversing about how everybody has been, My mother-in-law told me that one of our relatives asked why I keep posting links and quotations about "autism," she has books about it and she can send me some,"  I just simply replied. "As a parent of a child with autism, nobody else will advocate for my child than his parent." 

Then we got into talking about how some autistic children have higher IQ compared to those normal kids. The difference between those who are living with the lower spectrum and those that are living with the higher spectrum etc... 

This autism thing is pretty new to me. My husband has a cousin who is living on the spectrum so maybe in their side of the family, it's just a normal thing. I don't know everything about "autism" as all this is pretty new to me, but now that I live with someone who has it, I am learning and struggling to understand some of the things that would sometimes caught me unaware like sudden meltdowns and the other autism thing that kids like Eli does. I don't think I would ever stop advocating about this just as others are advocating self-reliance, or their be-kind-to-animals, or their breastfeeding advocacy just the same.

Though there are already quite a number of people diagnosed with autism, many more are still unaware about it and would treat people with autism as disabled and at times with discrimination, which is saddening

It's not about me being wanting to be special, or have others treat my boy with entitlement because he has special needs. All I'm advocating for is acceptance, awareness and inclusivity.


I am thankful for the love and support of close friends and family members on this our journey

Eating Challenges

It's not a matter of if you don't eat that you can't have anything else. I don't understand it either, lately Eli's eating is regressing, I may not have noticed but looking back, last year, he had been hospitalized two times for not eating anything and I do not want to go through the agony of being in the hospital again looking after him for that matter.

Yesterday at school he is showing the same behavior during his recess / snack time. We were around, me and his Papa and he got so distracted he wouldn't eat. Today at breakfast lunch and dinner, I have to force feed him because I can't stand anymore that he doesn't eat. I told him that I don't want to go through another hospital stay with him if he gets sick again.

While trying to feed him tonight he was crying and screaming but no tears comes out of his eyes. I also notice that he stops screaming every after he swallows. He would just scream again when he sees that I'm preparing another spoon to put into his mouth. He is just screaming to show that he does not want to do what I wanted him to do and that is as simple as eating. I already divided his food into a total of ten spoons that he'd be able to finish but most of the rice are just a total waste especially if he pushed my hand away just so he cannot eat. It's hard and frustrating but I bet it must be harder for him since he cannot express what he wants done on the process of feeding him.

After his meal tonight,I gave him a bath and cleaned the floors of the dinning area. His teacher at school told us that we should just be on the lookout on the manipulative side of Eli's autism and that we need to reinforce his training from school to home. He is being trained to comply so he can survive.

It is another duty of mine to find out what works for him so that he can be fed.

It's Not Always Easy

Eli has been going to school for quite a while now instead of being in therapy. He's always been bright and happy and he seems to be getting into the structure and motion of school. He is also a fast learner. I'm happy for his development.

We also moved into a new apartment. The place is smaller than our previous dwelling place, but it is just right for us. We moved in with few stuff as possible, I'm so glad! Also, I realized even with the new place Eli could still get some sensory issues, there is still that screaming going on and some meltdown but it isn't as much. it only happens when I don't allow him to do just whatever he wants to do especially when it involves a whole lot of mess.

Last week, there's this lady at church who keeps talking nonsense. Eli just had a haircut which wasn't so bad. He even looked nice on his new and she told me that his cut needs to be a little more shorter. Little more shorter? is she blind how else would she want him to look? Bald? A few days later Eli lay on the pavement in front of the church gate. I motioned and told Eli as firmly as I could for him to stand up for we are going home, but this lady when she saw Eli lying on the pavement, she exclaimed."Oi Eli, anu ba naman klaseng bata ito?" which in English translation means, "Oi, Eli! What kind of child is he?" as reference to my son lying on the pavement, w have made aware of Eli's which is irritating see because I already have made people I know including her about my son's condition and yet she keeps talking to him as if my son has control over his actions of meltdowns and sensory overload.

I makes me mad that some people are insensitive matter how much you try to keep them informed. It's not always easy but as I've said, I'll be there for my son no matter what.

10 Things Every Child With Autism Wants You to Know

Last night I got mad at Eli, I went out for a little bit to buy something at the store and when I got back I saw his face all covered in tan colored liquid all up to his arm and shirt. When I went to his room, I saw my make-up wallet opened and the BB cream splattered on the side of his toy box. Not a fun thing to see especially that I've already washed him and prepared him for sleep.

With all this happening, I felt overwhelmed as I still need to wash the dishes but the thought of need to clean up first and take him to another shower. I gave him a bath again, but while doing it, I was saying things to him bout how mad I am for what he did. I was rough on him. He cried as if he understands that I am mad, I just don't know if he figured what I was angry about.

I changed him after his bath, and he lied on the sofa. After doing the dishes, I noticed he fell asleep on the living room. I picked him up and made him pick up all the toys that are scattered in his room. I helped him quite a bit with it. After all the toys have been packed away on his toy box, I placed him on top of the bed, and gave him praise for finishing the task. He smiled. I thought, "poor boy, horrible mama."

I kissed him to sleep and told him gently what my acting out was all for, though I never hear anything from him, but I can sense he has forgiven me.

I wish I can do better than just scolding my son. I'm glad to have found this video clip today. Having Eli makes me find things that I have to be reminded about. Patience is all I need to exercise. Patience and more patience and that I love him so much.

Brillance and Delays

The other day I was on Skype with an old friend who, prior to the Skype  chat, had known about Eli's autism diagnosis through our catching up texts. While on Skype Eli just suddenly turned up blabbing words he learned from his flash cards and so my friend exclaimed, how come you keep saying your son doesn't talk while I can see that he speaks. Look at him hes talkative!"

At that point I don't know how to explain to her how autism goes. Knowing my friend, I can tell she probably has not encountered someone who has been affected by autism ever at all nor try to research at all about it. Anyhow, I can forgive her for that, because back then I never do too.

My autistic son is living in the spectrum of a combination of brilliance and delays. No point in comparing him with the other normal kids. There's actually no point in comparing normal kids with any other kids at all! and yet, people still do.

For now what we have discovered is that it's easy to teach him concepts. The concept of shapes, and fruits, or parts of the body. He only talks when he reads or if he's identifying the things around him, like if he sees a car, he'd say "car," but you ask him, "What is your name?" and "How old are you?"he never answers. With this we all have to see to it he doesn't get lost. Him being a wandering kind is part of the issue.

Things are coming along for him because of his therapy and I hope that hell be able to find the connection between the things he knows and the spoken language so that he'd be able to communicate. But I also do not really know what developments he may have tomorrow, the next few, day, or the next few weeks.

We his family, will just have to take the journey willingly.

First Day of SPED School

It went well.

The schedule was from 9:00 - 10:00 am. Eli did a little crying as he is new to the place and his teachers are new to him.
He was given some little exercises, played catch ball, and did some table top activities, putting shapes in their slots. He was also trained to eat on the dinning table, wash his hands and clean up after himself. This will be a start of his routine.

I like the SPED school training for Eli. We decided he will continue his OT there as the facilities in SPED school are much better than back at his OT class where he is going right now. I Hope he will like it soon enough too.

He fell asleep on the way home so I decided to take a photo of him in the same clothes he wore in his class earlier. I just laid him on the bed when we got home. Bet he got so tired.

-----0-----

We just got back from his last OT session. I also got his Medical Certificate to submit to the new school. He did so well today. He did cry in the first part of the class, but Teacher Chola said that after a while he stopped and they enjoyed doing their activities together. Things are going well for Eli! Behavior management, eye contact, and compliance are coming along!

General Conference October 2014

Conference Center of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

11/10/2014...

Since The General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is a re-broadcast event here in the Philippines, we always have the chance to take the whole family and watch the event at our designated Stake Centers. The mothers will have a nursing room with a tv monitor so that they can watch and listen to the words of the living prophets and apostles. 

But today we were at the chapel area with the whole family, and Eli being hyperactive and was roaming around a lot. Elder Neil A. Andersen, was at the pulpit speaking that time. We picked him up and made him sit beside us. I was pointing at the projector monitor and I told Eli to sit down and listen to the words of the living apostle. Then Eli said, "Jesus!"  

Yes, my son, he is a representative of Jesus. :-)

2 Years and 10 Months Old Reading and Identifying Colors

After some attempts, we were able to record a video of Eli reading and this is what we've got. The flash cards have pictures on them but he can read without the pictures too. I was just not able to make cards without pictures, next time will do.

We were just capturing the moment as they are.

On this second video, he is identifying the colors using pens.

For the record, he started with letters at 2 years and 5 months old, two weeks after that, he began sight reading words.

Yesterday's SPED School Visit

When I mentioned in my yesterday's blog post that people should do their research about autism, it was because I guess most people have no idea about the different classifications of autism. I'd also like to point out that not all people living with the spectrum are learning disabled.

There are people diagnosed with ASD but belong to the higher spectrum, and there are those that belong to the lower end of the spectrum. Those that belong to the higher spectrum are the functional ones, they even have higher IQ's the rest of the normal people, while those at the lower end of the spectrum, have difficulty in learning  or have a lower IQ than the normal.

I will not delve much about the different classifications of autism because, number 1, I am not a doctor, and number 2, there is google! It's where you can check other medical websites that can give you a better understanding of what autism is all about. Number 3, I am just a mom who is learning as much as I can about my son's condition so I can help him get through with this life.

Back to my story about yesterday. Eli and I went to drop by Teacher Neki's class at a San Fernando Elementary. She was the friend from sped school that I was talking about who would like to help me with Eli's Occupational Therapy. Since she still has a class, I got the chance to observe two of her students that are also living with the spectrum.

She introduced them to me, as I was able to observe the world of autism was interesting and amazing. Both of the students are non-verbal. I think they are both at around the age of 3 or 4 years olds. One of them is with a higher IQ, he can calculate numbers mentally in his head without calculating them on paper or with the aid of a calculator, like I would since I'm very bad at math. The other one is of a lower IQ, but is a good little independent boy.

I knew because as I was observing, Eli was roaming around her classroom and perhaps he is thirsty, so he found his way to the dish rack opened it and took a cup, and helped his way to the water dispenser. In the world of normal, this is a big no, no, one has to ask and wait for a permission, or wait for his turn... but teacher Neki, I guess she just let it go since it's Eli's first time and he's still learning the ropes of having a routine, I am too he he.

After the two boys ate their recess snacks, the boy with the lower IQ went to take the plates away to the sink, and started washing the dishes. right in the middle of it, he went to look around and walked towards the cup that Eli used that he left on top of the table. He

waiting for his turn with Teacher Neki

also went to soap them and washed to rinse. Then after that both boys were assisted towards the clothes rack where their polo shirts were hanging, they changed into them and put on their shoes, waved their goodbyes and left for home.

I thought wow! Its amazing to me that these special kids are better than the normal kids who just waits around for their moms to do things for them and clean up after them.

As for Eli, he was able to have a 30 minute table top activity with teacher Neki before we went home. I will be transferring Eli to her class starting next week where he will be able to continue his Occupational Therapy.

One of the 1st Encounter

So much has happened today. It has both been a productive and ironically a bit unpleasant one at the same time. I guess it come with the package of being a mom of a child with special needs.

best camera shot of Eli's doctor's certificate 

This morning, I took Eli with me at the DSWD office to claim his Person With Disability (PWD) ID . When we entered the office and told the guy at the desk of our purpose of coming. He handed me a form to fill out and asked for the doctor's certificate. i handed him his request and began granting his request.

As I was filling the form out, there was a part where you have to check the box as to what kind of disability the ID owner has. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) was not written in one of the selections and I find that all disability selection that are written there are not applicable to Eli, so I didn't check any. 

After I handed back the form, the guy began to re-check on it and when he saw the part I did not answer, he just went on to check the box that says "Learning Disability." I thought, "Hey what the heck! My child is trainable! He might be frustrated and non-verbal for now but he is the smartest kid I know in person! His learning ability is beyond his years, he reads words even better like a six year old can when they begin to read. Just because my son has physiological disorder he is already considered having a Learning Disability? What the! He didn't even ask me so my son could be properly labeled on his identification card."

I was not able to say much about it I guess, I was at a loss for words. Things happened so fast before I knew it, he was informing me that the ID can be claimed next week on Monday or Tuesday, that's it bye-bye! 

While heading to our next appointment, I thought to myself  I swear if I will see learning disability on Eli's card next week as his label for being a PWD, I will have the guy change it to the proper diagnosis which is Autism Spectrum Disorder, and demand to put it there just like what was written in this certificate! Or else I will erase it myself, I know how to buy a correction fluid and will not be afraid to use it!

It's sad how children with special needs are considered by those who are deemed normal. I guess people need to do their research. I guess this is just the beginning of one of my first encounter with such people who may treat my child differently in the future and I might not be able to stop it, but as a mother, I will as much as possible defend my child no matter what for as long as I can. 

Different Not Less

When Eli was not yet diagnosed of his autism spectrum, I use to get this usual conversation among parents like me at home, church and other places:

Other person: How old is your little boy?

Me: He's 1 year old and nine months.

Other person: and he does not speak yet?

Me: No.

Other person: My son/daughter can already speak / utter a lot of words when he/she was one. 

Me: Oh, I don't know, maybe my son is just delayed in his speech. He'll speak in time (hoping)

Other person: Oh yah! some kids are just simply delayed in their speech, he'll catch up.

Now that we are aware of his diagnosis, I was only asked once so far the same question (it happened at his pediatrician's clinic) in which I replied: "No, he's just been recently diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder;" then the rest just followed. Thankfully, the pediatricians secretary didn't mind his sudden lying on the floor and loud short scream while waiting for our appointment.  

Eli has just been recently diagnosed but the doctor did not classify him yet as to what level of autism he is in the spectrum. Though I am not the kind of person who cares too much about labels, at this point in time. I would like to think that he is in the higher level, and this is why I think so...to explain Eli, he is non-communicative towards us or anyone at all. The only way he expresses himself is by grabbing me in the arm and place my hand on a certain thing he wants me to hand him, like the fridge door (signifies he either wants food or water) or our tv's power on button. 

But Eli can read. Concepts that is. He began to read at 2 years and six months. One night when my husband took our laptop to type he was reading the letters that are appearing on the screen. After a few weeks, he was sight reading words, some words are a bit biggy for his age like, January or elephant but nevertheless he can read! Even his OT teacher said that she find Eli a smart boy, and that he can be trained, so that makes me happy.

My son may not be termed as quote and quote, normal but he is not less of a person. His development maybe delayed in speech. behavior and social skill. but I am still so grateful the God sees him perfectly. He's simply different.

I might still get asked in the future of the same question, and may also be followed why my son is non-communicative. I'm already formulating this idea in my head as to how I should reply.

Other person: How old is your little boy?

Me: He's almost three..

Other person: and he does not speak yet?

Me: No.

Other person: My son/daughter can already speak / utter a lot of words when he/she was one. 

Me: Oh, but my son began to read words when he was two, did your child began reading at age two also?

Now how is that even possible? We'll, only Eli's Heavenly Father knows. I tried to record him in a video earlier today just to keep a memory of him reading at an early age, but he seems to be not up to it today and easily gets distracted by the camera phone. Maybe I'll get lucky next time, If I do, I'll post it on my next blog.

Pointers for Eli Part I

Last week Eli had his initial evaluation at the Center for his Occupational Therapy. It was pretty interesting. The occupational therapist assigned to him we can call as Teacher Chola, interviewed me first about my observations with Eli.

At first while she was interviewing me, Eli can't keep himself on his seat. He would stand up, go out of the cubicle and would join in on other student's activities. Later on, he was made to play. The first few activities were fine but the last 15 minutes, he was crying and screaming all because of a crayon. Since he doesn't talk or communicate, the way he would express himself is through a meltdown which can be mistaken as tantrum fits. 

Yesterdays session was a crying fit because of one little cookie he brought to his one on one class. and today, well, it was because he just simple doesn't want to do the activity his teacher is assigning him. 

So far, even in just a short span of time I can see some improvements on Eli. I guess it's more of me learning how to handle my son, and learning how to help him manage his behavior and compliance.

Here are some of the things I learned and been taking as pointers for Eli:

1. Know the reason behind the tantrum fits or the meltdown. The usual reason for Eli to cry is because he was not able to get what he wants or he might be having a hard time. For a child living with the spectrum, some tantrums are attention seeking. Let the child cry it out whatever it is. Just be on the lookout that he doesn't hurt himself. 

DO NOT CALL HIS NAME OR MAKE ANY SOUNDS THAT WOULD GIVE HIM ANY IDEA THAT YOU ARE CONSIDERING HIM BEING AROUND AND CRYING. He will eventually stop when he gets tired. Note: May take a few minutes, or a few hours and some painful to the ear scream. Good thing about Eli is he doesn't cry too long.

2. Obedience. Eli doesn't know how to obey commands. at least not yet. A child like Eli needs to be guided every step of the way. You simply do not talk to him and just point at things, he will not follow what you say, and doesn't know what or how to do what you just told him. 

INSTEAD, If you give him a task to follow, and he is not doing anything about it. Go to him and take his hand and guide him. COMPLETE YOUR INSTRUCTION. Example: If I want him to pack away his toys, and he's not following. I would go right behind him, take both his arms and guide it to a toy to pick up and put in the box, one by one until he will be able to store them all in, then, I will have him push the box near the wall where is is placed to park. There should be a clapping after for a job well done.

3. Compliance. Eli is easily distracted. He doesn't try to finish a task that he is doing if there are other things that comes up unexpectedly, he'll give the new distraction his attention. 

With this, a RE-ENFORCEMENT is needed. This could be in a form of a reward, Example: Since Eli likes to brush his teeth, (for some reason that he only knows, he asks for a toothbrush and a toothpaste even before meals, after and in between) I have to make him finish doing a certain task first before giving in to his toothbrush request, and that would be "finish eating your meal first then we brush your teeth." In this case brushing teeth is the re-enforcement / reward.

4. Prepare Eli if there are any changes to his routine / planned to do list. People living with the spectrum get anxious for any unplanned changes that occurs from their plans/routine. I made a mistake yesterday by not informing him that when we get to the center, he will be with somebody else except me the whole one hour schedule of his session. I guess part of his crying was because I was not in sight and he was dealing with a stranger who makes him do all sorts of activities.

5. Re-enforcement doesn't always have to be food. Children living with the spectrum are not dogs or cats or other animals, that you have to feed him a treat every after they obey whatever it is you want them to do. Their reward can come in a form of hug, a tickle or a praise, and sometimes it's their favorite thing. In Eli's case his favorite thing is either Baby TV viewing or toothbrush with a toothpaste... and chocolate milk.

This is what I learned so far and there will be many more things to come in the future. Good luck with me and my husband in all of this.

10 Things Every Dad Can Do

Most men handle the diagnosis of autism differently than do their female partners. Men are fixers – they’re supposed to fix things – yet our children with autism can’t be “fixed.” It’s not a disorder that is not easily, nor clearly definable, no two children are alike and finding appropriate treatment can feel more like a guessing game than a logical progression of events.

That said, there are things men can do to improve the quality of their child’s life, their own life, their relationship with their wife and other children. Here’s our top 10 list.

1. Be involved at home! The responsibility for the care of your child with autism does not rest solely on your wife’s shoulders, no matter how “busy” or “stressful” is your professional life. Ask about ways you can help. Sometimes just bringing home a bucket of chicken can make the world difference.

2. Accept that it’s not your fault. Moms especially feel this, but dads go through it too. Was it my genes? Something I did when I was younger?

3. Share in the decisions and responsibilities of the child with ASD. Often in a family with multiple children, the mom will handle all the needs of the child with autism, and the dad will be involved solely with typically developing kids. Our session stresses the need for husband and wife to sit down and create a Partnership Plan that allows mom and dad to both share in the challenges, the joys, the decisions and the responsibilities. Yes, this can bring up significant challenges that will need to be resolved. Be willing to break from traditional husband-wife roles and responsibilities to find what works best for your relationship – it can really help.

4. Make time for you and your partner to be together alone. Find the respite care; do whatever you need to do. You won’t be able to build a quality program for your child if you don’t maintain a quality relationship with your spouse. You’ll both survive, but not thrive.

5. Create a Family Plan. Define each of your roles in relation to the child’s care and your family’s physical, emotional and mental health. Involve siblings – they often have great compassion and are eager to help. Strive for balance as much as possible.

6. Communicate with your wife and family on a regular basis. This is not the time for any family member to keep thoughts and feelings bottled up inside. It builds resentment, blame and distance into the family unit. Make the effort to talk about things, even when it’s difficult to do.

7. ‘Network’ with other dads of children with ASD. Once a month, get together and go bowling, attend a sports event or play pool. Sure, you’ll end up talking about autism in one form or another. Knowing there are other men out there experiencing the same challenges you are is important for dads to learn, too.

8. Attend PTC (Parent-Teacher Conference), Seminars and school meetings! Whether or not it’s ‘fair’, most educational professionals sit up and take notice when a dad is attending the IEP meeting. Men hold clout. Furthermore, dads tend to help moms stay more emotionally even-keeled during the meeting, so often more productive work and cooperation happens. Go into each meeting with a plan. Know what you want to your child and have strategy going in – will there be the need for “good cop-bad cop” or do the school officials and teachers work proactively with you to help formulate your plan? Once there, gauge the attitude of the administrators and educators as well, and adjust your strategy. Remember, you both need to keep emotions in check, but passionate. Take a break and split away from the group if things start to get out of control. Reassemble your thoughts and come back into the meeting as a united front. If things are not going smoothly, pull back and say, “we really want to make sure that we come up with an IEP/PTC that really benefits our child, and gives them the best opportunities to succeed and grow.” We know sometimes this is easier said than done.

9. Try to keep autism from dominating your lives. This is a major problem for families. Often, the child with autism has sleeping, behavior, gastro or other issues and challenges that keep the family from doing typical activities. The sleep issues can cause dramatic problems as parents go weeks and even months without healthy sleep patterns. Parents and families tell us they sometimes feel like prisoners in their own homes as well; afraid to go to malls, recreation centers, restaurants or other public places because of the potential for problems to occur. We encourage families to create a plan that slowly introduces the child with autism to outside activities. Accept that there can and probably will be problems, but more importantly, recognize the need for the family to try and do these typical activities. Good school programs incorporate functional plans that both the child and family can work on to create opportunities for fun.

10. Enjoy your child! Autism is only a part of your child; it often brings unique, humorous and interesting attributes that can be celebrated. Be optimistic – good times are ahead. See the positives rather than the negatives. All it really takes is a shift in perception – yours!

Source : AUTISM/ASPERGER DIGEST MAGAZINE

Reading the Wrong Parenting Book

Three weeks ago, I was invited over email by Joyla Ofrecia to a Seminar that was held yesterday. At first I was hesitant if I would have to but since I thought that my husband's paycheck was able to stretch out for me to pay the fee, I gave in. I decided to attend only a week after Eli's diagnosis, and only informed Miss Joyla on Friday night of my attendance.

Since this case is pretty new to me and my family, I thought to get as much as needed information about how to help my son manage his behavior and his condition.


It was an eye opener. Things are becoming to be more real to me now. I learned a lot and hope be able to apply them all. I don't mean to be such a perfectionist, but I'm going to have to deal with an early intervention here and there's still a long way to go.

Being a parent of a child with special needs means I've been reading the wrong parenting book all along, because most parenting books are made for those parents with what they term as "normal" while my kid is considered as a person with autism. I am just glad that there are now raised awareness for children with special needs like mine.

Although my child would look normal on the outside, I have to take into consideration that its not me who is a having a hard time, but my child is. The world is too much for an autistic person like my child. Me, I grew up totally fine even in chaos. Last minute changes in plans are normal to me, I'm flexible, I can deal with it, but not my son. For a person with autism, last minute changes in the routine creates anxiety, therefore Eli will get confused.

My son has already had enough of our world, and it's my turn to get into his. A friend who teaches in special education school told me that she sees Eli as a person who is at the higher end of the spectrum. The smart ones, the one who can be trained, the ones who can excel. I'm glad she sees it that way, because the doctor has not yet labeled him anything yet from any of the ASD category which is totally fine. I also hope his future evaluations will prove that he is, because I can also see that he can.

Yesterday, while I was sitting and listening in the seminar, I thought to myself, My son is normal in his own world. He may not be perfect, but God sees him perfectly... and he is!

Leading to the Diagnosis

Where to start... My intention of writing this blog has several reasons. Though I will be writing most about my son's journey, sorry if I become a little personal on my blog here, and maybe express what I truly feel at times for this is not only his journey but as a parent it is also mine..... I pray that it may also give information, help someone who is going through the same thing or spread awareness.

As a mom, I love my son and want the best for him, thus the decision to see a child developmental pedia came into play. That was the new start of the rest of our parenting lives for Eli.

Eli, a few minutes after his birth

September 16, 2014 at 6pm, we were waiting outside of the child developmental pedia clinic. Eli was the last patient to be checked and we're glad that we were able to secure a schedule since most appointments for specialist such as this takes months before you can get a slot.

The first specialist that I phoned already transferred to Manila, and there is only one doctor here in Pampanga for children with special needs. She was the one to check on Eli, She made eli play with some toys and observed, she also asked me some questions about my pregnancy and about Eli's delivery at birth. By the time we left her office, Eli was diagnosed.

It was Autism Spectrum Disorder. I wasn't surprised nor was my husband. In the past two years that Eli came into our lives we watched him grow. First 9 months was a fine development, but it must be somewhere around the 6th or the 7th where I begin to notice something different about him. The times when I was trying to teach him how to say "Mama" and "Papa" he doesn't respond. Instead he would laugh, like, "he thinks Mama is trying to make funny noises." Peek-a-boo and close-open were fine little games but when Eli turned 1, his motor skills with walking is delayed, his speech also.

Once when Eli was 10 months old, my mom mentioned that she wonders why Eli doesn't speak yet nor try to mimic speech. My husband and I tried to put it off thinking well, he will soon speak and communicate with us once he grows a little bit more. We also decided not to bring him to a specialist just yet because we thought that the doctor might just over-analyze him with a condition that might not be even there as he grows along... that is until two weeks ago.

Eli started walking when he turned 1 year and 6 months old. He still doesn't communicate well until now. He has echolalia, it all started with some gibberish sounds that he keeps on repeating every time. He also does repetitive things, like pouring a small pail of water into our bathroom toilet. These past few weeks it was asking for a toothbrush, but instead of brushing he only eats the paste on the brush. Potty training was such a pain, I wonder how can he ever not follow my instruction to let me know if he is about to, it should be easy with his age right? but it wasn't.

When he began to walk, he would tip toe, but now I'm glad it's less. His play use to include piling his alphabet blocks on top of each other to make a tall tower, and he would cry when it falls down. He would line his little toy cars. He would lie on his stomach on the floor and move his toy car back and forth observing its wheels. One time he lined up all the coke bottles that were put away near our kitchen sink.

He would flap his hands, jump up and down or squeal so loud to exhibit his excitement. Maybe this he does to soothe or make him feel good about himself. He did this a lot when his cousins came to visit a few months ago while they were watching "Frozen." He would join the other children at primary class at church every Sunday, but it seems as though he is more interested at what the other child is holding than playing with him or her. When his name is being called, he pays no attention to it, he is just always distracted. He also seems to be fine playing just by himself.

As a mother, I can only hope the best for my son. Eli is a sweet boy, he likes hugs. he is also funny and is always happy. Though sometimes it annoys me when he would just simply grab me or his papa's arm whenever he needs help, we all need to work on our patience to teach him how to ask help properly. He can read words even before he can communicate, but he simply doesn't talk; And because he's having a hard time communicating, every time we pray, I learned to be satisfied with even just a simple "Amen" from him. He is also very good with those little puzzle game apps on our android phones.

They say that autism is a lifetime thing, I sure hope it can still be overcome. My son will have to undergo therapy in the next weeks for six months. It's for his behavioral and life skills management. I hope things will be better for him for his autism didn't change the way I feel about him.