I'm Special

This free verse poem written in 1968 is dedicated to my birthday boy!








I'm special.

In all the world there's nobody like me.

Since the beginning of time, there has never been another person like me.

Nobody has my smile. Nobody has my eyes, my nose, my hair, my hands, my voice.




I'm special.

No one can be found who has my handwriting.

Nobody anywhere has my tastes for food or music or art. No one else sees things just as I do.

In all of time there's been no one who laughs like me, no one who cries like me, and what makes me laugh and cry will never provoke identical laughter and tears from anybody else, ever.

No one reacts to any situation just as I would react.




I'm special.

I'm the only one in all of creation who has my set of abilities. Oh, there will always be somebody who is better at one of the things I'm good at, but no one in the universe can reach the quality of my combinations of talents, ideas, abilities and feelings. Like a room full of musical instruments, some may excel alone, but none can match the symphony sound when all are played together. I'm a symphony. Through all of eternity no one will ever look, talk, walk, think, or do like me.


I'm special. I'm rare.

And, in all rarity there is great value. Because of my great value, I need not attempt to imitate others. I will accept -- yes, celebrate -- my differences.


I'm special.

And I'm beginning to realize it's no accident that I'm special.

I'm beginning to see that my Higher Power made me special for a very special purpose. He must have a job for me that no one else can do as well as I. Out of all the billions of applicants, only one is qualified, only one has the right combination of what it takes.


That one is me.

Because ... I'm special!




— Elizabeth Anne Richards Schurg

Advocacy

* This post is edited because I misheard my mom-in law, so I am going to correct it now. 

I apologize for hearing incorrectly

Earlier today my husband was talking to his parents over skype. While enjoying face time with their grand kids and conversing about how everybody has been, My mother-in-law told me that one of our relatives asked why I keep posting links and quotations about "autism," she has books about it and she can send me some,"  I just simply replied. "As a parent of a child with autism, nobody else will advocate for my child than his parent." 

Then we got into talking about how some autistic children have higher IQ compared to those normal kids. The difference between those who are living with the lower spectrum and those that are living with the higher spectrum etc... 

This autism thing is pretty new to me. My husband has a cousin who is living on the spectrum so maybe in their side of the family, it's just a normal thing. I don't know everything about "autism" as all this is pretty new to me, but now that I live with someone who has it, I am learning and struggling to understand some of the things that would sometimes caught me unaware like sudden meltdowns and the other autism thing that kids like Eli does. I don't think I would ever stop advocating about this just as others are advocating self-reliance, or their be-kind-to-animals, or their breastfeeding advocacy just the same.

Though there are already quite a number of people diagnosed with autism, many more are still unaware about it and would treat people with autism as disabled and at times with discrimination, which is saddening

It's not about me being wanting to be special, or have others treat my boy with entitlement because he has special needs. All I'm advocating for is acceptance, awareness and inclusivity.


I am thankful for the love and support of close friends and family members on this our journey

Eating Challenges

It's not a matter of if you don't eat that you can't have anything else. I don't understand it either, lately Eli's eating is regressing, I may not have noticed but looking back, last year, he had been hospitalized two times for not eating anything and I do not want to go through the agony of being in the hospital again looking after him for that matter.

Yesterday at school he is showing the same behavior during his recess / snack time. We were around, me and his Papa and he got so distracted he wouldn't eat. Today at breakfast lunch and dinner, I have to force feed him because I can't stand anymore that he doesn't eat. I told him that I don't want to go through another hospital stay with him if he gets sick again.

While trying to feed him tonight he was crying and screaming but no tears comes out of his eyes. I also notice that he stops screaming every after he swallows. He would just scream again when he sees that I'm preparing another spoon to put into his mouth. He is just screaming to show that he does not want to do what I wanted him to do and that is as simple as eating. I already divided his food into a total of ten spoons that he'd be able to finish but most of the rice are just a total waste especially if he pushed my hand away just so he cannot eat. It's hard and frustrating but I bet it must be harder for him since he cannot express what he wants done on the process of feeding him.

After his meal tonight,I gave him a bath and cleaned the floors of the dinning area. His teacher at school told us that we should just be on the lookout on the manipulative side of Eli's autism and that we need to reinforce his training from school to home. He is being trained to comply so he can survive.

It is another duty of mine to find out what works for him so that he can be fed.

It's Not Always Easy

Eli has been going to school for quite a while now instead of being in therapy. He's always been bright and happy and he seems to be getting into the structure and motion of school. He is also a fast learner. I'm happy for his development.

We also moved into a new apartment. The place is smaller than our previous dwelling place, but it is just right for us. We moved in with few stuff as possible, I'm so glad! Also, I realized even with the new place Eli could still get some sensory issues, there is still that screaming going on and some meltdown but it isn't as much. it only happens when I don't allow him to do just whatever he wants to do especially when it involves a whole lot of mess.

Last week, there's this lady at church who keeps talking nonsense. Eli just had a haircut which wasn't so bad. He even looked nice on his new and she told me that his cut needs to be a little more shorter. Little more shorter? is she blind how else would she want him to look? Bald? A few days later Eli lay on the pavement in front of the church gate. I motioned and told Eli as firmly as I could for him to stand up for we are going home, but this lady when she saw Eli lying on the pavement, she exclaimed."Oi Eli, anu ba naman klaseng bata ito?" which in English translation means, "Oi, Eli! What kind of child is he?" as reference to my son lying on the pavement, w have made aware of Eli's which is irritating see because I already have made people I know including her about my son's condition and yet she keeps talking to him as if my son has control over his actions of meltdowns and sensory overload.

I makes me mad that some people are insensitive matter how much you try to keep them informed. It's not always easy but as I've said, I'll be there for my son no matter what.

10 Things Every Child With Autism Wants You to Know

Last night I got mad at Eli, I went out for a little bit to buy something at the store and when I got back I saw his face all covered in tan colored liquid all up to his arm and shirt. When I went to his room, I saw my make-up wallet opened and the BB cream splattered on the side of his toy box. Not a fun thing to see especially that I've already washed him and prepared him for sleep.

With all this happening, I felt overwhelmed as I still need to wash the dishes but the thought of need to clean up first and take him to another shower. I gave him a bath again, but while doing it, I was saying things to him bout how mad I am for what he did. I was rough on him. He cried as if he understands that I am mad, I just don't know if he figured what I was angry about.

I changed him after his bath, and he lied on the sofa. After doing the dishes, I noticed he fell asleep on the living room. I picked him up and made him pick up all the toys that are scattered in his room. I helped him quite a bit with it. After all the toys have been packed away on his toy box, I placed him on top of the bed, and gave him praise for finishing the task. He smiled. I thought, "poor boy, horrible mama."

I kissed him to sleep and told him gently what my acting out was all for, though I never hear anything from him, but I can sense he has forgiven me.

I wish I can do better than just scolding my son. I'm glad to have found this video clip today. Having Eli makes me find things that I have to be reminded about. Patience is all I need to exercise. Patience and more patience and that I love him so much.

Brillance and Delays

The other day I was on Skype with an old friend who, prior to the Skype  chat, had known about Eli's autism diagnosis through our catching up texts. While on Skype Eli just suddenly turned up blabbing words he learned from his flash cards and so my friend exclaimed, how come you keep saying your son doesn't talk while I can see that he speaks. Look at him hes talkative!"

At that point I don't know how to explain to her how autism goes. Knowing my friend, I can tell she probably has not encountered someone who has been affected by autism ever at all nor try to research at all about it. Anyhow, I can forgive her for that, because back then I never do too.

My autistic son is living in the spectrum of a combination of brilliance and delays. No point in comparing him with the other normal kids. There's actually no point in comparing normal kids with any other kids at all! and yet, people still do.

For now what we have discovered is that it's easy to teach him concepts. The concept of shapes, and fruits, or parts of the body. He only talks when he reads or if he's identifying the things around him, like if he sees a car, he'd say "car," but you ask him, "What is your name?" and "How old are you?"he never answers. With this we all have to see to it he doesn't get lost. Him being a wandering kind is part of the issue.

Things are coming along for him because of his therapy and I hope that hell be able to find the connection between the things he knows and the spoken language so that he'd be able to communicate. But I also do not really know what developments he may have tomorrow, the next few, day, or the next few weeks.

We his family, will just have to take the journey willingly.

First Day of SPED School

It went well.

The schedule was from 9:00 - 10:00 am. Eli did a little crying as he is new to the place and his teachers are new to him.
He was given some little exercises, played catch ball, and did some table top activities, putting shapes in their slots. He was also trained to eat on the dinning table, wash his hands and clean up after himself. This will be a start of his routine.

I like the SPED school training for Eli. We decided he will continue his OT there as the facilities in SPED school are much better than back at his OT class where he is going right now. I Hope he will like it soon enough too.

He fell asleep on the way home so I decided to take a photo of him in the same clothes he wore in his class earlier. I just laid him on the bed when we got home. Bet he got so tired.

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We just got back from his last OT session. I also got his Medical Certificate to submit to the new school. He did so well today. He did cry in the first part of the class, but Teacher Chola said that after a while he stopped and they enjoyed doing their activities together. Things are going well for Eli! Behavior management, eye contact, and compliance are coming along!