Tonight I cried. It's because Eli wouldn't take his medicine, it's the 2nd day of this cold and he is a bit feverish. knowing Eli, he doesn't like taking meds, so this afternoon, I asked my husband to help me have him take the med, which will actually make us both force it on him.
After two attempts, Eli gagged and he was never able to take the first tablet of aspirin down. Hubby as to go to work, so I was left with both the kids.
After dinner, I tried to make Eli take the medicine again, It was a fresh new tablet for his taking. After a few attempts of fighting with him, I was able to finally managed to have him take it down with water. Well, that's what I thought, then as I went o the kitchen to wash my hand, he followed me and then he made a big barf, it was all the dinner food from his plate a little while go, all gone from his stomach including the pill. :-(
I was mad, I cleaned the mess up and thought to myself, I am not giving up. After wiping out the floor clean, I washed my hands gain and got back to him, with another fresh new aspirin tablet. It was difficult, he really wouldn't take it, we were fighting each other even on the floor. I tried to shove the pill into his mouth and pushed it into his throat with my finger but he bit me. I was painful I have to slap him so he'd let go. This happened twice until I finally gave up on the crying boy. He must have felt abused at those moments that I was pinning him to the floor just so he can take his meds.
A few seconds wiping my hands clean and decided no more. I saw his tears filled face, I took pity and cried. I hugged him and said sorry to him. He must have had a hard time, why do I have to force those meds to him when he doesn't want it? But he is sick and he needs those...
I thought, I hated sickness coupled on a kid with autism. Then all the other things came rushing into me. I realized I have not been a good mother after all. I have a short temper, and there are days when Eli makes me loose all my temper, or maybe it's just me loosing my own temper because I am a selfish mother. Why me? He could have been given to other mothers out there who would be kinder to his condition. After crying he came back to me and he motioned "open your mouth, open your mouth" to me, as if mimicking what I was trying to do to him earlier. and he was doing that while crying.
It may be an echolalic nonsense to others but to me, it's a translation of telling me that "what you did really hurt me Mama! and I don't want it, what if I it will be done to you?" I pity him and I hate myself for doing that. I hugged him and asked for his forgiveness I changed his shirt and bed sheets so they can go to bed. He is asleep now.
I have been trying to stay strong but I've never really cried hard enough for my son today. I hope I can do better than I did, next time. My heart bleeds for him.
He is trying, he is a good boy and he needs love.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Monday, December 15, 2014
Potty Training
We are so not done with potty training yet.
I'm still trying to find ways how to make Eli, potty in the toilet. it's really hard because I have asked help and tips from people but none of them seems to work. Including making Eli sit on the toilet for around 15-20 minutes with him crying and screaming there, it hurts my ears.
I also asked help from his dad, I thought it would be helpful since both of them are boys and it would be much easier if Eli will be able to see how he does pee-pee and poo-poo with his dad helping him the way boys do it. My husband told me though that he can't be consistent enough to help with Eli's potty training because of his erratic work schedule.
Tomorrow I'm going to try again, and will be starting from the beginning.
This is the Plan:
Target: 1-3 day
1. Give Eli directions how to do potty time using the book.
2. Let Eli go without diapers nor underpants around the house.
3. Place the potty trainer in the living room or his bedroom, so it will be easier to find and scoop poops or wees on the floor anywhere around the house.
Day 4-5-6
1. Give Eli directions how to do potty time using the book.
2. Let hit wear pants, and demonstrate potty training in the toilet.
3. Eli go without diapers nor underpants around the house ot he could if he wants to
3. Place the potty trainer in the living room or his bedroom, so it will be easier to find and scoop poops or wees on the floor anywhere around the house.
Let's see if this will work. Goodluck to us!
I'm still trying to find ways how to make Eli, potty in the toilet. it's really hard because I have asked help and tips from people but none of them seems to work. Including making Eli sit on the toilet for around 15-20 minutes with him crying and screaming there, it hurts my ears.
I also asked help from his dad, I thought it would be helpful since both of them are boys and it would be much easier if Eli will be able to see how he does pee-pee and poo-poo with his dad helping him the way boys do it. My husband told me though that he can't be consistent enough to help with Eli's potty training because of his erratic work schedule.
Tomorrow I'm going to try again, and will be starting from the beginning.
This is the Plan:
Target: 1-3 day
1. Give Eli directions how to do potty time using the book.
2. Let Eli go without diapers nor underpants around the house.
3. Place the potty trainer in the living room or his bedroom, so it will be easier to find and scoop poops or wees on the floor anywhere around the house.
Day 4-5-6
1. Give Eli directions how to do potty time using the book.
2. Let hit wear pants, and demonstrate potty training in the toilet.
3. Eli go without diapers nor underpants around the house ot he could if he wants to
3. Place the potty trainer in the living room or his bedroom, so it will be easier to find and scoop poops or wees on the floor anywhere around the house.
Let's see if this will work. Goodluck to us!
Monday, November 24, 2014
I'm Special
This free verse poem written in 1968 is dedicated to my birthday boy!
I'm special.
In all the world there's nobody like me.
Since the beginning of time, there has never been another person like me.
Nobody has my smile. Nobody has my eyes, my nose, my hair, my hands, my voice.
I'm special.
No one can be found who has my handwriting.
Nobody anywhere has my tastes for food or music or art. No one else sees things just as I do.
In all of time there's been no one who laughs like me, no one who cries like me, and what makes me laugh and cry will never provoke identical laughter and tears from anybody else, ever.
No one reacts to any situation just as I would react.
I'm special.
I'm the only one in all of creation who has my set of abilities. Oh, there will always be somebody who is better at one of the things I'm good at, but no one in the universe can reach the quality of my combinations of talents, ideas, abilities and feelings. Like a room full of musical instruments, some may excel alone, but none can match the symphony sound when all are played together. I'm a symphony. Through all of eternity no one will ever look, talk, walk, think, or do like me.
I'm special. I'm rare.
And, in all rarity there is great value. Because of my great value, I need not attempt to imitate others. I will accept -- yes, celebrate -- my differences.
I'm special.
And I'm beginning to realize it's no accident that I'm special.
I'm beginning to see that my Higher Power made me special for a very special purpose. He must have a job for me that no one else can do as well as I. Out of all the billions of applicants, only one is qualified, only one has the right combination of what it takes.
That one is me.
Because ... I'm special!
— Elizabeth Anne Richards Schurg
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Advocacy
* This post is edited because I misheard my mom-in law, so I am going to correct it now.
I apologize for hearing incorrectly
Earlier today my husband was talking to his parents over skype. While enjoying face time with their grand kids and conversing about how everybody has been, My mother-in-law told me that one of our relatives asked why I keep posting links and quotations about "autism," she has books about it and she can send me some," I just simply replied. "As a parent of a child with autism, nobody else will advocate for my child than his parent."
Then we got into talking about how some autistic children have higher IQ compared to those normal kids. The difference between those who are living with the lower spectrum and those that are living with the higher spectrum etc...
This autism thing is pretty new to me. My husband has a cousin who is living on the spectrum so maybe in their side of the family, it's just a normal thing. I don't know everything about "autism" as all this is pretty new to me, but now that I live with someone who has it, I am learning and struggling to understand some of the things that would sometimes caught me unaware like sudden meltdowns and the other autism thing that kids like Eli does. I don't think I would ever stop advocating about this just as others are advocating self-reliance, or their be-kind-to-animals, or their breastfeeding advocacy just the same.
Though there are already quite a number of people diagnosed with autism, many more are still unaware about it and would treat people with autism as disabled and at times with discrimination, which is saddening
It's not about me being wanting to be special, or have others treat my boy with entitlement because he has special needs. All I'm advocating for is acceptance, awareness and inclusivity.
I am thankful for the love and support of close friends and family members on this our journey
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Eating Challenges
It's not a matter of if you don't eat that you can't have anything else. I don't understand it either, lately Eli's eating is regressing, I may not have noticed but looking back, last year, he had been hospitalized two times for not eating anything and I do not want to go through the agony of being in the hospital again looking after him for that matter.
Yesterday at school he is showing the same behavior during his recess / snack time. We were around, me and his Papa and he got so distracted he wouldn't eat. Today at breakfast lunch and dinner, I have to force feed him because I can't stand anymore that he doesn't eat. I told him that I don't want to go through another hospital stay with him if he gets sick again.
While trying to feed him tonight he was crying and screaming but no tears comes out of his eyes. I also notice that he stops screaming every after he swallows. He would just scream again when he sees that I'm preparing another spoon to put into his mouth. He is just screaming to show that he does not want to do what I wanted him to do and that is as simple as eating. I already divided his food into a total of ten spoons that he'd be able to finish but most of the rice are just a total waste especially if he pushed my hand away just so he cannot eat. It's hard and frustrating but I bet it must be harder for him since he cannot express what he wants done on the process of feeding him.
After his meal tonight,I gave him a bath and cleaned the floors of the dinning area. His teacher at school told us that we should just be on the lookout on the manipulative side of Eli's autism and that we need to reinforce his training from school to home. He is being trained to comply so he can survive.
It is another duty of mine to find out what works for him so that he can be fed.
Yesterday at school he is showing the same behavior during his recess / snack time. We were around, me and his Papa and he got so distracted he wouldn't eat. Today at breakfast lunch and dinner, I have to force feed him because I can't stand anymore that he doesn't eat. I told him that I don't want to go through another hospital stay with him if he gets sick again.
While trying to feed him tonight he was crying and screaming but no tears comes out of his eyes. I also notice that he stops screaming every after he swallows. He would just scream again when he sees that I'm preparing another spoon to put into his mouth. He is just screaming to show that he does not want to do what I wanted him to do and that is as simple as eating. I already divided his food into a total of ten spoons that he'd be able to finish but most of the rice are just a total waste especially if he pushed my hand away just so he cannot eat. It's hard and frustrating but I bet it must be harder for him since he cannot express what he wants done on the process of feeding him.
After his meal tonight,I gave him a bath and cleaned the floors of the dinning area. His teacher at school told us that we should just be on the lookout on the manipulative side of Eli's autism and that we need to reinforce his training from school to home. He is being trained to comply so he can survive.
It is another duty of mine to find out what works for him so that he can be fed.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
It's Not Always Easy
Eli has been going to school for quite a while now instead of being in therapy. He's always been bright and happy and he seems to be getting into the structure and motion of school. He is also a fast learner. I'm happy for his development.
We also moved into a new apartment. The place is smaller than our previous dwelling place, but it is just right for us. We moved in with few stuff as possible, I'm so glad! Also, I realized even with the new place Eli could still get some sensory issues, there is still that screaming going on and some meltdown but it isn't as much. it only happens when I don't allow him to do just whatever he wants to do especially when it involves a whole lot of mess.
Last week, there's this lady at church who keeps talking nonsense. Eli just had a haircut which wasn't so bad. He even looked nice on his new and she told me that his cut needs to be a little more shorter. Little more shorter? is she blind how else would she want him to look? Bald? A few days later Eli lay on the pavement in front of the church gate. I motioned and told Eli as firmly as I could for him to stand up for we are going home, but this lady when she saw Eli lying on the pavement, she exclaimed."Oi Eli, anu ba naman klaseng bata ito?" which in English translation means, "Oi, Eli! What kind of child is he?" as reference to my son lying on the pavement, w have made aware of Eli's which is irritating see because I already have made people I know including her about my son's condition and yet she keeps talking to him as if my son has control over his actions of meltdowns and sensory overload.
I makes me mad that some people are insensitive matter how much you try to keep them informed. It's not always easy but as I've said, I'll be there for my son no matter what.
We also moved into a new apartment. The place is smaller than our previous dwelling place, but it is just right for us. We moved in with few stuff as possible, I'm so glad! Also, I realized even with the new place Eli could still get some sensory issues, there is still that screaming going on and some meltdown but it isn't as much. it only happens when I don't allow him to do just whatever he wants to do especially when it involves a whole lot of mess.
Last week, there's this lady at church who keeps talking nonsense. Eli just had a haircut which wasn't so bad. He even looked nice on his new and she told me that his cut needs to be a little more shorter. Little more shorter? is she blind how else would she want him to look? Bald? A few days later Eli lay on the pavement in front of the church gate. I motioned and told Eli as firmly as I could for him to stand up for we are going home, but this lady when she saw Eli lying on the pavement, she exclaimed."Oi Eli, anu ba naman klaseng bata ito?" which in English translation means, "Oi, Eli! What kind of child is he?" as reference to my son lying on the pavement, w have made aware of Eli's which is irritating see because I already have made people I know including her about my son's condition and yet she keeps talking to him as if my son has control over his actions of meltdowns and sensory overload.
I makes me mad that some people are insensitive matter how much you try to keep them informed. It's not always easy but as I've said, I'll be there for my son no matter what.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
10 Things Every Child With Autism Wants You to Know
Last night I got mad at Eli, I went out for a little bit to buy something at the store and when I got back I saw his face all covered in tan colored liquid all up to his arm and shirt. When I went to his room, I saw my make-up wallet opened and the BB cream splattered on the side of his toy box. Not a fun thing to see especially that I've already washed him and prepared him for sleep.
With all this happening, I felt overwhelmed as I still need to wash the dishes but the thought of need to clean up first and take him to another shower. I gave him a bath again, but while doing it, I was saying things to him bout how mad I am for what he did. I was rough on him. He cried as if he understands that I am mad, I just don't know if he figured what I was angry about.
I changed him after his bath, and he lied on the sofa. After doing the dishes, I noticed he fell asleep on the living room. I picked him up and made him pick up all the toys that are scattered in his room. I helped him quite a bit with it. After all the toys have been packed away on his toy box, I placed him on top of the bed, and gave him praise for finishing the task. He smiled. I thought, "poor boy, horrible mama."
I kissed him to sleep and told him gently what my acting out was all for, though I never hear anything from him, but I can sense he has forgiven me.
I wish I can do better than just scolding my son. I'm glad to have found this video clip today. Having Eli makes me find things that I have to be reminded about. Patience is all I need to exercise. Patience and more patience and that I love him so much.
With all this happening, I felt overwhelmed as I still need to wash the dishes but the thought of need to clean up first and take him to another shower. I gave him a bath again, but while doing it, I was saying things to him bout how mad I am for what he did. I was rough on him. He cried as if he understands that I am mad, I just don't know if he figured what I was angry about.
I changed him after his bath, and he lied on the sofa. After doing the dishes, I noticed he fell asleep on the living room. I picked him up and made him pick up all the toys that are scattered in his room. I helped him quite a bit with it. After all the toys have been packed away on his toy box, I placed him on top of the bed, and gave him praise for finishing the task. He smiled. I thought, "poor boy, horrible mama."
I kissed him to sleep and told him gently what my acting out was all for, though I never hear anything from him, but I can sense he has forgiven me.
I wish I can do better than just scolding my son. I'm glad to have found this video clip today. Having Eli makes me find things that I have to be reminded about. Patience is all I need to exercise. Patience and more patience and that I love him so much.
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